


i'll taste the devil's tears (but i'll never give up you)

by lasvillanelles



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: ALL THE GOOD STUFF, Angst, F/F, F/M, Rating May Change, Romance, dani is a simp and jamie is wife goals, i guess this is canon-compliant with a few add-ons/changes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27462229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lasvillanelles/pseuds/lasvillanelles
Summary: Jamie clears her throat, and stares into her tea. “I think she – well. She did… Dani asked me on a date.”Owen gasps, his face lighting up like a Christmas tree. “What? Are you serious?”or,The missing pieces of Dani and Jamie, all the way to the end.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 13
Kudos: 152





	i'll taste the devil's tears (but i'll never give up you)

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'the devil's tears' by angus and julia stone.
> 
> basically these two have me in an unyielding chokehold and i miss them already. i couldn't stop thinking about all the things we didn't see, and i couldn't not write anything about them. enjoy <3

On Thursday, Dani wakes up at 5am in a panic. It’s not the same kind of panic that she usually feels. There’s no endless dread or tireless whispers of tragic ghosts of her past.

There is guilt, but it’s not the endless cavern of it. This type prickles at her skin like nettles. She feels too hot and too cold at the same time.

She huffs and rolls over onto her back, tugging the covers to her chin. She stares at the ceiling and breathes out slowly. The sun has barely risen, but she’s wide awake now.

Jamie comes back to work today.

She’s still embarrassed, even though she knows they’ll be fine. _It’s all good_ , as Jamie had said. Jamie is patient and kind and it wasn’t her fault, but she seemed to think that it had been. And that just wasn’t okay with Dani. Even if they never kiss again, even if Jamie wants to be nothing more than civil colleagues after this, Dani can’t have Jamie thinking there was anything wrong about the moment they had shared in the greenhouse. It had been anything but.

She lies there for some long minutes, going over infinite explanations and apologies she could desperately say to Jamie this morning. None of them sound right, all of them sound ridiculous.

It’s strange, but watching Edmund’s glasses crackle and snap and melt into the bonfire had felt been more cathartic than any other moment of grief she’d had before. She isn’t superstitious, but Dani had been slightly drunk and felt such anguish at Jamie’s rejection, such exhaustion from dragging around the weight of her worst memories. Staring into the embers, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Jamie’s story of the olden day bonfires.

_Throw in offerings to drive away evil spirits._

_Burn away the shadows._

_We can only carry so much._

It was worth a shot, she’d thought. And Dani was so tired. She wanted to give herself a chance, to _move on_. Maybe it was the symbolism of it, the echoes of Jamie’s voice in her head. Maybe she was just so _done_ with it all. Here she was in Bly, thousands of miles from all that, surrounded by some of the most authentic and lovely people the world has to offer. Maybe it was time to let it go.

While she would always grieve Edmund, lying there in the gold light of dawn, without Edmund’s glasses on her bedside like an omen of evil, Dani for the first time, felt okay about that. It didn’t seem so excruciating or endless.

All she really cared about was seeing Jamie.

She looks at her watch. 5:45am. She had 15 minutes before Jamie started work. After swinging herself out of bed, she strides over to the dresser to look in the mirror with only a hint of trepidation. She only sees herself, hair limp and tangled, and sighs. Tells herself that it doesn’t matter what she looks like really, because that isn’t what is important about today.

And if she does her hair three times, well, Dani would never admit that to anyone.

It’s not until Dani has checked to make sure the kids are still fast asleep and fussed about the kitchen making two mugs of coffee and made it out of the front door, that she realizes she has absolutely no idea where Jamie is.

The Bly grounds are quite big, especially when you’re just looking for one tiny person. Jamie is definitely here, though, because her truck is parked out front. Dani feels a sharp pang in her chest at the sight of it and she sighs, her breath puffing out like a cloud in front of her.

She walks through the statue garden first, all too aware of the fact the coffee is getting colder by the second as she’s trying not to spill it while she paces the grounds. Jamie isn’t there. She whips around and starts off towards the greenhouses.

“Shit,” she mutters, a bit of coffee sloshing over one of the mugs and onto her boots.

There are three different greenhouses and she peers into the window of the first one she comes to but doesn’t find what she’s looking for. It’s only when she reaches the second that she sees movement and stops in her own. She still has no idea what she’s going to say, but once she sees the clear silhouette of Jamie’s face, her body moves without warning and her knuckles rap on the door. She’s vaguely aware of coffee spilling down her wrist when Jamie turns around.

If Jamie is surprised to see her, it doesn’t show, but Dani isn’t prepared for the sight of Jamie. It’s only been four days. It’s not likely that Dani would have forgotten what Jamie looked like, but Dani’s eyes travel over her the curls of her dark hair, her lilac overalls and the way her hands grip the watering can she’s using, and her mouth goes dry.

“Don’t usually see you this side of the 8am,” Jamie says. Her voice gives away nothing.

“Yeah, well I – um. I knew you – you start early on Thursdays,” Dani stutters, realizing in that moment how random this must look, Dani standing fully dressed and ready for the day in Jamie’s greenhouse. It’s 6am, for crying out loud. “So... I thought I’d bring you some coffee.” She marches over to Jamie and hands the mug to her.

Despite her nerves, Dani doesn’t feel embarrassed when Jamie spits the coffee back out. She feels a little giddy, just being around Jamie again, even if it is a little awkward. Jamie is patient, but Dani can feel the tension rolling off her, creating small ripples in the space between them. She wants to swim through them. To be closer to her. She wants Jamie to look at her for longer than three seconds, for her to see how sorry she is. How much she wants this.

Jamie sees right through her anyway.

“Did you wake up just for this?” And then, “Poppins, you flirt,” she says, flickering her eyes across Dani’s form that does nothing but draw Dani to her.

“Okay, fine. I don’t like the way we left it,” she admits, following Jamie across the greenhouse. It’s pointless trying to pretend like that’s not what she’s doing anyway. Dani’s never felt so shameless in all her life.

“And how did we leave it?” Jamie says with raised eyebrows.

“Wrong. And I - I wanted to start doing something right, so I thought I’d start with coffee.” That’s what people do isn’t it? All of a sudden, Dani’s not so sure.

“Are you sure about that? Because every time I think you might be sure, you have this irritating habit of jumping back like you’ve just seen a scary bug.” Jamie turns away from her again. Dani opens her mouth to explain, to apologize. Maybe even beg. Before she has the chance, Jamie continues. “And maybe that’s best, really. I like you,” she says, and Dani grips her mug so hard her knuckles turn white. It runs through her head like a siren. _I like you I like you I like you._

“But I also like my life the way it is,” she finishes. “Nice and boring.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t wanna disrupt that,” she says, not really meaning it. It’s a last-ditch attempt to get Jamie to smile, to fix this, to show Jamie how much she likes her, too, when she replies in an outrageously inaccurate British accent. “Gotta keep fings propa borin’, ‘aven’t we?”

Dani isn’t looking at her still, but she hears Jamie’s whispering laugh. To Dani, it sounds like hope. Dani moves over to stand next to her again, and it looks like Jamie is trying her best not to smile. It’s this that forms Dani’s next words.

“Look, there’s a pub in Bly, right?” She sees Jamie bite on the inside of her cheek, eyes twitching upwards into a hidden smile, like she’s hearing a joke Dani isn’t privy to.

“There is.”

Dani presses, “Would you wanna get a drink? Away from the house. Away from all this.” It’s the longest Jamie has looked at her since she walked into the greenhouse. “That could be kinda boring, right?”

“Could be dreadfully boring.”

It’s still not a yes, but the thrill of the potential shoots straight through Dani like a firework. She’s barely aware of anything but the look on Jamie’s face. “You, and me, could get a boring old drink, in a boring old pub. And see where that takes us,” her eyebrows raise, like Dani is challenging Jamie to a game she knows she can’t win. It’s accidentally coy, but Dani can’t bring herself to care.

Then Jamie starts to smirk, and the blood creeps towards to Dani’s face. “You know I live above that pub, right? Told you that already, didn’t I?”

 _Shit._ Okay, of course Dani had known that. Jamie had told her just days before about the little flat she lived in, above the pub on the corner into town. Dani had asked questions, they’d had an actual conversation about it, so pretending like she had forgotten seems out of the question. She doesn’t think Jamie would believe her if she tried. Dani turns away, dropping her head to hide her oncoming blush. To Dani’s despair, this only seems to spur Jamie on. “Got a little flat,” she positions. “Right above the boring little pub.”

Dani glances at her, rolling her lips to try and hold in what would undoubtedly be an embarrassing giggle. It feels both light and heavy, like whipped cream on hot chocolate. It feels good.

When looking at Jamie becomes too much, she glances away, and out of the window behind Jamie’s head. Then a pit of dread opens up beneath her. She falls. It swallows her whole.

Flora stands still as stone in the grey morning mist, in nothing but her pyjamas.

-

The calm has settled over the manor again once the kids are tucked into bed, dreamlessly sleeping. Jamie drives halfway home, but the further she gets the more she feels like she’s missing something. She goes around the roundabout three times, mulling the day over, until a car beeps its horn at her. She throws a middle finger out of the window with one hand, and spins the car back around to the country lane with the other.

She finds Hannah and Owen in the kitchen, chatting to each other in hushed, sweet voices.

“Jamie, dear. Are you alright? Did you forget something?”

Jamie doesn’t say anything at first. She drifts towards the table and pulls up a chair next to Hannah. Owen pours her a tea from the pot and hands it over.

She runs her finger around the rim of the mug, to give her hands something to do.

“Is Dani alright?” she asks.

“She’s just upstairs,” Owen says. “Think she’s just worried about the kids, y’know? She seems better now. I’m not worried about her really, she’s bloody good at her job. Made of strong stuff, that one.”

Jamie nods, slowly. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, laughs once to herself. She hasn’t felt like this about anyone in years. Possibly ever.

Hannah raises an eyebrow, like she knows. Hell, she probably does. “What is it, Jamie?”

Jamie clears her throat and stares deep into her tea. “I think she – well. She _did_ … Dani asked me on a date.”

Owen gasps, his face lighting up like a Christmas tree. “What? Are you serious?” Jamie whips her head around, leaning back in her chair and eyeing the hallway to make sure Dani hasn’t decided to come downstairs yet.

“Fuckin’ hell, keep your voice down,” Jamie hisses. She tries to sound pissed, but the smile on her face is growing by the second. It’s a full-blown grin when she answers, “Yeah, this morning. At 6 in the bloody morning, to be exact.”

Hannah rolls her eyes. “That young woman really is something, isn’t she? I was wondering why the coffee pot was out.”

“I don’t even have to ask you what your response was, then,” Owen said, gesturing to Jamie’s face. She rolls her eyes, but the smile doesn’t disappear.

“Whatever,” she says, and takes a sip of tea. She smacks her lips together. “Look, we didn’t specify a day or anything but, I dunno. She’s had a rough day, feel like she deserves a pint. Are you two alright to stay and watch the kids? Just for tonight?”

“Tonight, and tomorrow morning?” Owen says, waggling his eyebrows. Hannah swats his arm across the table, and Jamie presses her fingers to her temple. She squeezes her eyes shut. Spending the night with Dani was actually too overwhelming to think about. She can hardly believe they’re going on a date in the first place.

“Of course! You two go out and have fun, you deserve it. We can handle the little monsters until tomorrow morning,” Hannah says.

“I said only for tonight!” Jamie sputters. Hannah just rests her hands atop Jamie’s and pats them once.

“What’s only for tonight?”

Jamie turns to spot Dani in the doorway, and her chest clenches. She makes her way inside and reaches for the teapot. They’re all too quiet, waiting for someone else to answer. Dani picks up the teapot, eyeing them all warily.

“What?”

Jamie’s hands feel clammy. She brushes them quickly on her jeans and stands up. “Go and get changed. We’re going to the pub.”

Dani blinks. “Right now? But the kids-“

“Already taken care of,” Jamie says, and Dani glances towards Hannah and Owen.

“Honestly, dear. They’ll just sleep the rest of the night anyway. We’ve got it covered. You haven’t had a day off since you got here,” Hannah supplies. Dani exhales, blowing some hair out of her face and Jamie tries not to laugh at the way it just falls back to where it was.

“C’mon Poppins, this was your idea. Chop chop,” she says, pointing towards the staircase. Dani gives an awkward salute and shuffles back off again out of the room.

-

When Dani returns around 15 minutes later, she’s wearing the same purple autumn coat from earlier, but her hair is down. It’s less styled than it usually is, her face significantly brighter than it had been a few hours ago. Jamie thinks she’s never looked prettier.

“Ready?” she says from the foyer as Dani walks down the stairs.

“Yep. Thanks for waiting,” she says earnestly, with a light smile as she comes to stand in front of Jamie. “Wouldn’t wanna show you up in my mud-crusted jeans.”

“I don’t think that would be possible, the state of some of them in there,” Jamie says with a shake of her head. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

The only thing Jamie can think about the whole drive into Bly is Dani’s perfume. It’s warm and spicy, filling her head. She glances over at Dani, who’s looking out the window looking the most relaxed Jamie has ever seen her and wonders how, out of the two of them, it’s Jamie who seems to be the bag of nerves.

“Okay, so imagine the Ritz…” Jamie says, as they pull into one of the tiny parking spaces outside, “this is the complete opposite of that.” Dani laughs. “I’m just warning you.”

The pub is small, but in its defence, full of character. Exposed beams and bricks soaked in decade old ale. The occasional crack of a pool queue against the balls. Dani, weirdly, looks right at home. That is, until she opens her mouth.

“This is _so_ cute,” she says, her eyes lit up. Jamie laughs.

“It’s a shithole!”

Dani rolls her eyes and tugs Jamie her by the wrist towards the bar. “Come on.”

She probably shouldn’t be, considering she’s seen Dani in full teacher mode, has been on the receiving end of Dani kissing her first _and_ asking her out, but her bold strikes of confidence take Jamie surprise, including now. Maybe it’s an American thing, she thinks.

When Dani reaches the bar, she turns to face her. “What do you drink?”

Jamie places her hand over Dani’s, who is currently in the process of pulling out her wallet. “I’ll get it,” she insists. “Your day has been a bit more stressful than mine.”

Dani just frowns at her and turns to the curly haired bartender, who Jamie knows as Harry, who is waiting patiently. He winks a hello at Jamie over Dani’s shoulder before asking Dani what she’d like. She thrusts a ten-pound note into his hand. “Surprise us.”

No, it’s not an American thing, Jamie realizes. It’s just a Dani thing. 


End file.
